It is OK to change your mind
Have you ever been so set in a decision for an extended period of time, and then changed your mind? We have, and let me tell you why that is OK.
First, let me tell you a little bit of our back story- Brian and I met walking down the street. Literally. I spontaneously moved to Texas after I graduated from undergrad, and I decided to get a puppy when I was feeling lonely shortly after moving. I was walking baby Rylee girl by my apartment, when Brian and friends stopped to pet her (understandably, she was so cute), just 10 days after bringing her home. If you know anything about our love story, it was pretty dang close to love at first sight, and our relationship moved very quickly.
We always knew that one day we wanted to start a family
and we would talk about what we thought it would look like when we were “ready”. One thing that remained the same is that we always said that we did not want to find out the gender of our baby when we were pregnant. Well, let me explain why we changed our mind.
Many of you know that the journey to our “someday” has been a little bit different than we anticipated, and I do think that it played a factor in why we had a sudden change of heart. So I am here to say that it is OK if you change your mind.
Here are the factors that we took into account when making our final decision:
Reasons not to find out the gender of your baby
Fun in the surprise! It is an exciting surprise to look forward to at the delivery. You can dream up what life would be like having a boy AND a girl for the duration of the pregnancy. It truly is one of the biggest and greatest surprises in life.
The Father of the Bride moment. Dad having the opportunity to say the gender at birth and then to the eagerly waiting family.
Guess the gender. You can add to the fun in the surprise by having family and friends guess the gender before the arrival. Can you say lottery pool?!
Avoiding the whoops moment! You do not have the risk of finding out the gender incorrectly.
Back to the basics. It feels more natural to wait to find out. There was not always the ultrasound and genetic testing technology to find out the gender of your baby, and it can feel refreshing to take technology out of it, especially after using modern medicine to get pregnant.
Gifting. It is such a generous tradition to bless the parents to be with gifts in preparation for their baby. Not finding out the gender can make people less inclined to buy gender specific clothes, and instead buy more of the necessities like diapers, furniture, car seats, etc.
Reasons to find out the gender of your baby
Preparation. You can plan the nursery, buy clothes, monogram items, etc. You no longer have to worry about ordering that custom name artwork for above the crib or buy gender specific clothes once the baby is here. You can truly plan out all of the details when you are in nesting mode, and just enjoy the baby snuggles when they are here.
Pick a name. If you are not already set on names, it can give you time to picture your baby and finalize or narrow down your name selection so you are not pressed for time when the birth certificate people keep knocking down your door.
Avoiding the shock factor. Whether it is disappointment because you were hoping for one gender over the other, or that you have truly been convinced what you are having and are wrong, you do not want the shock factor to ruin the moment of bringing that sweet baby into this world. Sometimes it is necessary to have some time to process the information.
Feeling connected. Having the ability to speak to, pray for, and call your baby “he” or “she” or by name can help to foster a deeper connection. Knowing the gender can help to truly manifest what life will be like once they are here because you know a little bit more about who they will be.
For us, the only thing that made us ultimately change our mind was the desire to feel more connected to the pregnancy. I am not sure if it is because of our journey to get here or the lack of pregnancy symptoms, but it was difficult to feel connected to the pregnancy and this little baby. We never came up with a little name we would use to refer to the baby, and since we could not say “he” or “she” we found ourselves just saying “baby” or not talking to the baby at all. And as much as I would see that little baby growing on ultrasounds or hear the heartbeat with the doppler, the moments in between I did not feel like I was fostering that connection the way that I thought I would. Similar to the fact that we did not anticipate the journey it took to get here, I definitely did not anticipate feeling a lack of connection to my baby when I was finally pregnant. This is the reason why we knew we needed to change our mind and find out the gender of our baby.
And we are both here to say, it has made all the difference in the world.
We are excited to announce that we found out on Valentine’s Day that we will be welcoming a little baby girl in July.
And my heart explodes when I picture Brian as a girl dad.
If you are someone who has been on the fence with the decision to find out or not find out the gender of your baby, I hope you find this helpful to hear why we changed our mind (despite being previously set in a decision). I also encourage you to not put so much pressure on it; there is no right or wrong. It is not one size fits all. And you need to make the decision that is best for you, and not what other people think is best for you.
