My Thoughts on TTC
Ignorance is bliss, am I right? I spent years hearing stories from family, friends, patients struggling with TTC, infertility, pregnancy, and miscarriage, but I cannot say that I was ever truly listening. What do I mean by that? I was always sympathetic toward those struggling, but what about empathetic? By definition, sympathy is showing concern for someone who is struggling, while empathy is completely putting yourself in their shoes. In hindsight, I now realize that I was never empathic in those situations. But why, you never think that it will happen to you.
Ignorance is bliss.
Every. single. person. will have a different story when it comes to growing their family. No one’s story is more or less meaningful or significant. But what I am learning is that you need to give yourself (and others) grace in the process.
It is OK
-that the day that your period comes {again}, isn’t the best day. But wake up the next day refreshed for a new start.
-that you feel like you can add “expert at peeing on sticks” to your resume.
-that you might feel jealousy when you see {what feels like} 437184738447385392473 pregnancy announcements per day, even though you are simultaneously incredibly happy for them.
-that you think “when will it be my turn”, or worse “will it be my turn”
-that you feel alone in the process, despite being surrounded by incredible support
-that it truly hurts, like knife stabbing hurts, when someone asks “do you want kids”, even though you know that they never had ill intentions with asking
-that you just don’t want to talk about it or just aren’t ready to think about “next steps”
-its hard. its all hard.
It feels like you are on a merry-go-round, and you cant seem to find the way off. Feelings of optimism, followed by doubt, hope, disappointment, frustration, anger, sadness, contentment…. and then, you put on your big girl panties, and you do it all over again.
Why? because it is a season, a season of waiting.
And what do we know about seasons, just like the season of winter we are currently in, it does not last forever.
If there is a will, there damn sure will be a way.
I started writing this as a therapeutic way for me to cope with the emotions that come with this process; I decided to share it so that anyone else in the same season can feel validated.
